I want to write about an amazing hike I did on Saturday. That night I was pretty tired by the time I got home and jotted down a few notes so I wouldn't forget. And then I was too tired and/or burned out yesterday to flesh them out. Right now it feels as if my feet are wading through sludge, and I'm hoping I'll pick up steam as I remember how much I enjoyed the hike.

The hike was to Fern Lake, one of several hikes in an area of Rocky Mountain National Park called Moraine Park. In that same area is the Cub Lake Trail, which I've done many times (and blogged about), and which I did the previous week.

The Fern Lake trail has an altitude gain of 1,375 feet, and I was fully prepared for it to be beyond my stamina, particularly for my knees. But I made it the whole way up and was well rewarded with some beautiful views at the top. Better than the views, however, was the rushing river alongside the trail for most of the way, with numerous waterfalls. I love hiking beside water: the water gives the path an aliveness that a "dry" hike doesn't have, and I also love the sound of rushing water, there are few sounds I find as rejuvenating.

Sometimes I go hiking because I'm feeling full after working with a client or after doing as much writing as I can do for the day. On Saturday, however, I was seeking refuge and comfort and contact with the Divine. I wasn't sure what that would mean for my hiking stamina. I knew I might end up stopping and sitting somewhere, without the oomph to go on.

I was seeking comfort for several reasons. I've been feeling lonely, with several friends unavailable all week, and doing some very challenging work for my brother, Cliff. I've been transcribing some talks he's given about more advanced ways to understand the archetypes and shadows. My Inner Critic started chewing on me pretty badly as I listened, telling me how stupid I am for not having seen this stuff years ago. One of the challenges of being related to a very brilliant person is that by comparison you end up feeling pretty dim.

So when I arrived at the Park, I'd been beating myself up pretty thoroughly most of the day, and I could feel the emotions waiting just beneath the surface.

In Practically Shameless, I wrote about an event that happened when I was nine, when my father ridiculed me. There were other events in my childhood that were more traumatic than that one, and I chose that one on purpose. I didn't want to overload the information I wanted to get across with a story that was too intense.

One of those other events was an operation I had when I was two. My mother left me alone in the hospital (they had a rule that parents couldn't stay with their children, and Mom didn't fight it). I was terrified and paced back and forth in my crib for hours, possibly throughout the night. Sometimes, if I'm feeling very afraid and don't know what to do, I touch into that little girl pacing back and forth in the crib. And I touched into it on my hike on Saturday.

What terrifies me most about that place is the "I don't know what to do" part. It seems as if I'm going to die if I don't do something, and not knowing what to do leaves me feeling very alone and helpless.

As I hiked up to Fern Lake, I began to speak aloud about how afraid I was, and how alone I felt, and how I didn't know what to do. And as I did so, my legs kept moving. Most of the time there were no other people nearby, so I didn't feel uncomfortable about talking aloud and crying as I walked. And I was amazed at how good it felt just to speak the words aloud. It seemed to help me release some of the fear, and I began to feel much better. I enjoyed the rest of my hike feeling greatly relieved, as if I'd gotten something off my chest.

I'm not sure yet, but it's possible that I got some answers to the "I don't know what to do" part. One answer is, It doesn't matter. This is just a feeling (fear), and it will pass, and I don't have to do anything. Another answer is, Get my body moving. Hike up the side of a mountain, and my body knows it wants to get to the top, and that's the only thing I need to do at that moment.

I've known for some years that releasing is, in general, a very big issue for me -- simply getting feelings out. My friend Jeff Baugher, who's an astrologer, tells me that one reason releasing is such a big issue is that I was born about 24 hours before the new moon, and therefore in the releasing phase of the moon's monthly cycle. I'm sure it's a big reason why I became a writer. And I did pick up steam as I wrote about this, another example of the healing power of releasing.

A while back, I subscribed to a daily email called the Shankman Report. It lists stories that various reporters are working on for which they are seeking sources. I sometimes email a reporter looking for info on a topic I feel reasonably knowledgeable about.

Yesterday a reporter in Canada was looking for sources on phobias, on where they come from and how to get over them. She specifically requested sources in Canada, so when I emailed, I made it clear I wasn't in Canada but hoped my thoughts on phobias might be useful to her, and she wrote back to thank me.

Here's what I wrote.

I had a phobia of spiders from childhood through to my 20s. I'm now in the personal growth business, so I help people with similar issues. I've come to believe that a phobia has something to tell us, and once we find out what that is, the phobia will go away of its own accord, or can at least be treated much more easily, because the "purpose" of the phobia is gone.

In my case, I had a phobia of spiders because my mother was acting like a spider, and although I sensed that something was hurting me, I couldn't see or understand it until much later in life. When I say my mother was acting like a spider, I mean that she would placate me with subtle flattery, so that I let my guard down, and then she'd "sting" me with a subtle but devastating criticism or dismissal. As with a spider bite, however, I wouldn't realize for some time that I'd been bitten -- I'd feel terrible but not know why, because the sting had been so subtle. The whole process was so hidden, it was like getting caught in spiderweb, which is almost invisible but surprisingly strong.

I didn't come to this belief until my 50s. In my 20s, I was living in Florida, and a very large spider (4" diameter) entered my apartment. My phobia had always made it impossible for me to remain in the room with a spider, much less kill it. Usually I had to leave a room and ask someone else to kill it. But I was alone with no one to ask, and it was in the kitchen where I had no way to avoid it. I managed to throw a phone book across the room to land on the spider and kill it. And I left that phone book there until I moved out of the apartment about a month later, I believe, without ever picking it up or looking underneath. It seemed like a huge breakthrough to me at the time, that I'd been able to kill a spider, and I'm certain that the phone book was the only way I could have done it, because it meant I could kill it remotely without making any physical contact with the spider (as I would have if I'd used a broom, for example), and also because the phone book landing on the floor made a loud enough noise that I couldn't hear the horrible sound of the spider being crushed. From that time until my 50s, I found I could kill spiders when I needed to.

I figured out the mom connection about 5 years ago (I'm 57). Since then, I've become less and less afraid of spiders, until today I'm not afraid of them at all, with the exception that I'm not very happy about them crawling on me. When I see them in the house, I generally say hello, trap them and take them outdoors. In fact, I've come to believe that the more I spare the lives of spiders, the more writing energy I have, because the spider is really my totem as a writer/author. I think a writer "weaves a web" for a reader to fall happily into. A spider is one of the most creative beings in the animal kingdom: many species of spiders spin a new web every day. The dark side of spider energy is the kind of manipulation my mother was doing (probably because she was manipulated in the same way as a girl). But the positive side of the same energy is a good kind of manipulation that a writer uses to "spin" a good story, to "trap" the reader in a wonderful story or in suspense, and the reader can "fall into the web" to escape the world for a little while.

What I would add is that it would have been too risky for me as a child to see my mother as doing anything negative and that's why my fear of "spider energy" manifested instead as a phobia. It makes sense that I wouldn't be able to kill a spider, since that would symbolize killing my connection with my mother. 

As I mentioned in Practically Shameless (on page 145 of the paperback edition), I started a weekly get-together for Boulder Media Women called the Schmooze. My love for the Schmooze and for various other opportunities to be in groups of women demonstrate to me how far I've come.
 
This evening's Schmooze was at the Corner Bar at the Boulderado Hotel, on the corner of 13th and Spruce in Boulder, and it was the perfect summer evening. The air was the perfect temperature, we were well-shaded from the afternoon sun, the food and drink were excellent, and of course the company was superb. Nothing beats a group of women writers for interesting conversation.

Pictured on my left is my good friend Barbara Darling, who helped me with PR for the book and hosted a book-signing party for me at her house in north Boulder last fall. (She even loaned me a blouse when I discovered mine was unwearable!)

The photo was taken by Andrea Meyer, another regular Schmooze attender and good friend. I began taking photos of the Schmooze several years ago, with my cell phone, and posted them on a private web page for the group, and mine are rarely this sharp.

Our conversations at the Schmooze generally range over quite a variety of topics, and tonight was no exception, from books to popular culture and politics. There have even been magical conversations about life and death. A member once commented that the Schmooze was beginning to resemble the Algonquin Round Table, and I felt honored by the comparison.

As the coordinator who picks our venues for the Schmooze each week, I'm usually called the Schmooze Queen. Andrea has been filling in for me in a variety of ways lately, so tonight (with her permission, of course) I officially dubbed Andrea our Schmooze Duchess.
And while I was at it, I named Andi O'Conor our Chancellor of the Exchequer, since she's nobly volunteered to be our calculator and enforcer when it's time to pay the bill.

I'm offering a Summer Solstice Special on all items for sale in the Practically Shameless Online Store - for five days only!

25% off all orders!

To receive your 25% off, enter the coupon code SOLSTICE on the order form.
This offer expires midnight, June 26, 2008, Mountain Daylight Time.

Order now at 25% off!
Practically Shameless - paperback edition - regularly $16.95 - $12.71
Practically Shameless - audio book edition - regularly $24.95 - $18.71
The Clean Talk CD - regularly $19.95 - $14.96
The Tombstone CD - regularly $19.95 - $14.96
The Shadow Work Basics CD - regularly $7.00 - $5.25
The Shadow Work Basics audio cassette - regularly $6.00 - $4.50
The 9/11 Grieving Process CD - regularly $4.00 - $3.00

Don't forget to enter coupon code SOLSTICE on your order form.

And thank you for supporting Practically Shameless Press!

 

I have happy news to share this morning: a review for the audio book edition of Practically Shameless from the Midwest Book Review!

It's on MBR's Library Bookshelf page in the Audiobook Shelf section, for June 2008.
 
MBR posted it at Amazon.com as well, with a rating of 5 stars.

The text of the review:

"Practically Shameless: How Shadow Work Helped Me Find My Voice, My Path, and My Inner Gold is the unabridged audiobook rendition of author and Shadow Work facilitator Alyce Barry's self-help guide to revitalizing one's life. Barry draws upon her personal story of overcoming depression to explain the human shadow, and the transformative power of the Shadow Work processes. Shadow Work founder Cliff Barry provides a foreword to this helpful guide to positive metamorphosis, which delves into why humans resist change so much and how to tap into one's positive inner sources. Especially recommended for anyone interested in discovering the mental and emotional benefits of shadow work. 5 CDs, 5 hours 32 min."

I'm very happy to announce a new product for sale, which I helped create: The Clean Talk CD, Communication Tools for Group Leaders.

I recorded the CD with my brother, Cliff, last fall. I wrote most of the script and did the sound editing. It was my first experience producing a CD, and I find that very exciting.

So what is Clean Talk? It's a set of communication tools that can make any conversation safer and more productive. Clean Talk is the method we use in Shadow Work when we want to speak cleanly and especially when there is conflict present. Clean Talk can both prevent and resolve conflicts.

The word "clean" refers to Clean Talk's clear-cut guidelines that help each person in the conversation take responsibility for their part of what's happening instead of placing the responsibility on someone else.

If you're a group leader, the Clean Talk tools help you prevent your shadows from leaking out and hurting other people. As Cliff says on the CD, "As a group facilitator, the words that come out of your mouth are what you're selling. They're your bottom line."

Clean Talk also helps you build trust, and that trust will make you more successful as a group leader. The Clean Talk CD teaches you how to recognize and use all four channels of communication (assessments, feelings, wants, and data). It also offers humorous examples of the most common "no-nos" or misspeaks. (Cliff and I used quite a bit of humor on the CD, and we're already hearing that it's fun to listen to.)

The Clean Talk CD also teaches you to do Word Coaching, a skill you can offer as a facilitator to help people speak more cleanly in important situations.

The CD comes with two handouts: a map of the four channels of communication, and a cheat sheet for Word Coaching in all four channels.

The Clean Talk CD is approximately 79 minutes long and costs $19.95. It comes in a shatterproof plastic case. You can buy it from the Practically Shameless home page.

 

Tomorrow the paperback edition of Practically Shameless starts its 14th week on Amazon.com's bestseller list of books about Jungian psychology. I find this so satisfying that it's hard to put into words.

This weekend I'm catching up on things around the house, and on blog entries, after one of the busiest months I've had in a long while. I ran three weekend workshops in a row, and all were a big success. I knew in advance of the first of three that there would be things I wouldn't have a chance to do in between, and I was right. About all I had time to do was keep up with family and get enough sleep.

Rest really becomes the issue when I'm running workshops, and I'm finally getting good at dropping into bed promptly when I get back home or back to a hotel, rather than trying to stay up to get some things done. It's a little like parenting in that way, when it's often necessary to let the house be dirty or messy in order to do what's more important.

So far, 74 copies of the audio book have sold, all purchased from me, and so far none from Amazon. Sometime soon I'll send emails to buyers of the audio book asking them to do me a favor and post a review at Amazon. I learned from Amazon this week that reviews of the paperback and audio editions will be mingled together on the pages for both, rather than separated, and I guess that makes sense. But it means that someone wanting to know what the audio book is like as a listening experience won't necessarily find out from reading customer reviews if those customers comment more on the story than on the technical aspects of the recording.

A lot is happening on the publishing front, and I'm at work on several manuscripts. It's wonderful to be back at work on a book. It's hard to describe what it feels like to know that I can write a book and see it published and in people's hands and getting read. Really thrilling, and the fulfillment of a dream I've had since I was quite young.

I'll also be putting the Clean Talk CD for sale at this website sometime within the next week. It's a CD I recorded with my brother Cliff last fall, primarily for group facilitators.

My friend Jan DeCourtney started a group called Colorado Healing Publishers, and last November I exhibited with other group members at the Nexus Expo in Denver. For the Expo, we created a flyer featuring books by group members, including Practically Shameless, and we've been passing out leftover flyers ever since.

This morning Jan passed along this message in an email from a friend:

"I found at the library the book in your flyer: Practically Shameless ... it had just been put on the shelf the day before.

I am 1/2 way through . I found today that I could also go through my own process while reading....chapter on self acceptance.

It is helping me work more clearly with my shadow from having heard her process.

Thanks for the healing publishers who are getting the word out and to you for your brilliant idea to help form that group.

Blessings and thanks for your work."

I received a book order this morning from someone in Austria, which makes the 12th country from which customers have made purchases:  the U.S., Canada, England, Scotland, Ireland, Germany, France, Denmark, Norway, South Africa, Australia, and Austria.

Oh, and someone in the U.S. purchased a copy to send to a family member serving in Iraq, so that's 13, sort of.

The paperback edition of Practically Shameless is featured in the May 2008 edition of Paper Clips, the adult trade paperback catalog of book distributor giant Baker & Taylor.

Practically Shameless appears on page 58 at the top of the Psychology section.

I've just returned from 5 days out of town, leading a Shadow Work weekend with my brother, Cliff, in Madison, Wisconsin. Though Cliff lived in Madison for many years, this was actually the first Shadow Work weekend done within the city limits. We had 16 participants and 4 people on staff, along with Cliff's daughter, Susanne Benton, offering Sensory Repatterning sessions in an adjoining room.

It was a weekend of stunning magic. Cliff was at his most adept, facilitating with such deep insight into people's needs that it was extraordinary to watch. I feel honored to work with someone so gifted. I also had some worthwhile insights that I was able to offer, and I very much enjoyed performing several visualizations more evocatively, I think, than I ever have before.