I fired off an angry letter today to the President of Dex Media, the company that does the Yellow Pages (I should say, one of the companies that does the Yellow Pages). I also sent an angry letter to the account rep who sent me a letter in April. The letter appeared to be asking me for a signature approving the ad for another year. I didn't want the ad to run for anther year, so I didn't respond except to phone her and leave a message and saying I wanted to cancel the ad. She never called back. I called Dex today to find out what had happened, and it's too late to stop the ad from running another year. Not only that, but at a higher rate. Apparently cancellation must be done in writing. But nothing in the letter I received said that, and the rep didn't call me back to say that either.

And now I'm feeling shame about sending an angry letter to the account rep, who may have been acting on company policy for all I know. One of the down sides to being a Shadow Work facilitator is the feeling I often get that I have to act with complete integrity, responsibility, acceptance and insight at all times or risk giving Shadow Work a bad name. I'm feeling shame tonight about reacting in anger.

I don't have the shame off it yet... I don't understand why I didn't pursue it more fiercely when I first received the letter. I think it arrived the week I was putting out the big mailing about the book, but I could have managed a phone call. I suspect that some part of me wanted this fight, wanted to feel its anger fully blown. I rarely let myself get really, openly angry, and perhaps that part of me (my Warrior, most likely) wants that to happen. It may be that I'm meant to get something out of having been this angry and having reacted on the anger instead of toning it down.

I signed up for the Yellow Pages ad last year while I was still living in Lyons, and I think something about it intrigued me. I've received, I think, three phone calls from the ad, but none of those calls has resulted in a client.

I've come to the conclusion that printed Yellow Pages are a thing of the past, largely because more than one company produces them. I suspect that most people are like me -- when a new Yellow Pages appears at the door, the old one goes in the trash or recycling bin, even if some versions are more competently done than others. So while an ad ostensibly lasts a year, it actually lasts only until the next version arrives at the door.

What adds insult to injury is that I think the ad provides the wrong phone number -- my Lyons phone number, which I wasn't able to bring with me to Longmont because Lyons has its own exchange. It featured a message providing the new number for some months, but that has ended now, so a caller who tries that number will get either a "has been disconnected" message or a person who now has that number.

I'll have to do some more exploring about that anger issue to get the shame off this one... I'm picturing the account rep opening my letter and feeling shame herself, and right now that seems inexcusable.