I decided to cut you all a break by not titling this entry "Getting the shame off..." as I've been doing the past few days, because this one I don't really feel any shame about -- liking the comic actor Will Ferrell.

I'll be back to the GTSO series again soon, I'm sure, there's always more shame coming up, about something. The best thing I can think to say about that is, It takes shame, and then removing the shame, to grow emotionally, so getting the shame off is at the heart of all real personal growth. That's my belief anyway.

My liking Will Ferrell is a good example of what most people would call "opposites attracting" and what, in the world of Jungian psychology is called projection -- we see in other people qualities that we're not yet ready to see in ourselves.

Thus, we admire people in whom we see positive qualities that we're not yet ready to see in ourselves. We find irritating people in whom we see "negative" qualities that we're not yet ready to see in ourselves.

That second half of the equation is better known than the first. In twelve-step programs, they call that, "If you spot it, you got it."

I put "negative" in quotes because there actually are no negative qualities, only energies in us that could be used for good and are currently being used for bad because they're coming through our wounds instead of through our healthy, mature selves.

It's sort of like looking through a crack in a glass -- you'll notice that when you look through a crack, something looks dark, even though the glass itself isn't dark. We all have behaviors that are coming through the cracks in the glass lenses that surround the innermost flames that make us alive and part of the Divine.

It's that belief, actually -- that there are no negative qualities -- that makes real, lasting, permanent change possible. If you believe, instead, that "once a thief, always a thief," it won't be possible for you to change in any lasting way. The belief that there are no negative qualities requires that behavior be separate from person, and that's a belief that's becoming more widely accepted. I notice it most often when I hear a parent say, "Good job" to their kid, instead of, "Good boy" or "Good girl." Separating the behavior from the child is necessary if you want the child to improve their behaviors that wouldn't warrant a "Good job."

Back to Will Ferrell. I'm a somewhat stoic person, meaning I don't easily show my emotions, at least not in any very flamboyant way. And Will Ferrell is about as opposite me as a person can be, which is why I enjoy watching him so much. Many of the movies he's in aren't written very well, but I enjoy them anyway. I recently went to see Blades of Glory on the big screen for a matinee performance, partly because I didn't want to wait for it to come out on DVD and partly becuase, since it's about figure skating, I thought it might be good to see it on the big screen. And it was laugh-out-loud funny a good portion of the time. They dressed him in the most atrocious costumes I can imagine, and that was in itself hilarious. His hairstyle was repulsive.

My reaction to the film reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon I saw once, taped to the wall of my friend Terry Boyd when we worked together at Fortress Press in Philadelphia. It showed a large, squat man sitting behind a desk. He's handing a thick manuscript to a standing employee on the other side of the desk and saying, "Turgid. I love it."