Every time I think of saying it, or even writing it down, it seems odd to me, but the truth is that I'm lonely for a book. That is, for being in the process of writing one.

I thought about titling this entry "Getting the shame off ... writing as beloved" but that seemed a bit over the top. (See my earlier entry about why I like Will Ferrell -- a case in point!!)

The truth is I love writing, and more than that, I love being in the process of writing something, of birthing a new expression of something. I love writing essays, particularly when they come to me all of a piece, but I've really loved writing Shameless, too, although parts of it were really hard.

In many ways, it took the place of, or took the energy I might have devoted to, a relationship with a man, and I think that's one reason why it seems odd to me to confess my love for the book-writing process. "Seems odd" probably translates to "feel shame about."

But it also gave much of my life a sense of large purpose and destiny and even, in my daydreams, impending fame. (You note I didn't add "fortune," I've learned too much about the publishing process already for that!)

My brother Cliff has commented many times over the past few years how evident it is that I'm "really" a writer, as opposed to himself who isn't "really" a writer. I took that to mean that, as he saw me struggle with the difficulties of writing, he was amazed that I stuck with it, and more than that, that I wouldn't have *not* stuck with it.

"Gotta write!" to paraphrase Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain.

So the question has been with me over the past weeks, Do I plunge into the next book-writing process, or will it take energy away from publishing and promoting the one just completed?

I tell myself the answer is no, because I've written and accomplished many other things while writing Shameless, but it provided a larger structure within which those were short and usually welcome breaks, and the larger structure gave me some sense of home -- is that what it is?  An intriguing idea.

But I guess I'm not fully certain about it yet because I haven't yet started on one of the other book projects.

Either that or I haven't yet "cleared the decks" sufficiently to begin writing. "Clearing the decks" is something I find I have to do before every writing project -- getting done all the little things I'll forget if I don't get them done first, usually including cleaning the things off my desk and filing the pile of papers on top of my file cabinet.